The Scar

Scar TissueJune 13, is a date that will stick with me forever.  Not an anniversary that I really want to keep top of mind, but one that marks a major road map change to my life. That summer of 2010 I remember a good friend at work coming up to me and saying “Just wait..within 2 years you will be married again”. And no, that guy was not correct in his fortune-telling, but he did offer me hope that there will be an even better companion out there for me someday.

Dave let me cry in his arms  for awhile last night. The tears poured out of an otherwise strong, independent woman – as I couldn’t help but remember how happy those 25 years were. It’s amazing what you can zone out when you are trying to heal.  I allowed myself to bring forth memories, and the tears flowed, and flowed – so much so, that I had to cancel all my afternoon meetings and cower in my office. The growth of a family that produced two absolutely wonderful young men and a happy marriage,  ran it’s course. That first marriage was a treasure that I will always hold in my heart. The  hurt from the loss is scar tissue that has built up over that tiny treasure in my heart and will never fully heal. I am just so blessed to have found a man that understands that scar, and knows it  is a part of me that he can care for when it becomes slightly inflamed.

The day is nearly over, the tears just about gone, the scar tissue got a little stronger and the journey continues, with an incredible man. Speaking of journeys..major road trip coming up…stay tuned!

“Only men need to be loved, women only need to feel wanted” – Sons of Anarchy

Well, once The Most Interesting Guy in my World moved to Denver, it spiraled downhill from there. We gave it a whirl long distance, but when you throw in way too much drama – a couple of motorcycle accidents, 3 daughters that weren’t pleased to see their dad dating again, a one sided effort to keep the relationship moving forward and a near-death experience on a mountaintop, quits it was. I am really quite proud of myself for ending something that was heading nowhere fast.  I have learned from this journey to have fun, enjoy all the new adventures, but not to waste time settling..or dealing with…or making excuses for, or simply being treated any less than a princess. I never really expected the Princess part, but people were telling me it IS possible. So I decided to take my chances, cut my losses and continue the quest for that middle-aged Knight in shining armor.

I don’t regret spending that time with Colorado man, because it led me to the REAL Treasure, my true Second Chance. A man that has treated me like a Princess since day one, even when I wasn’t ready for that. A man with no baggage, a great career, 3 beautiful kids who want their Dad to be happy again. A man in my backyard, in my Church to be exact, in my intimate circle of friends.  The man I prayed would walk through the doors of my very own St. Paul and sweep me off my feet. That man was there all along, waiting in the wings, going through his own healing, but at the same time, formulating in his mind what HE really wanted this second time around.  He wanted me. I waited. I questioned. I doubted. I didn’t want to ruin a wonderful friendship. I gave in. I allowed myself to be chased. To be respected. To be treated like a Princess, but most of all to be wanted.

When you are cast aside. When you are left at mid-life for no apparent reason. When you let go of chasing. To be wanted is the best feeling on earth.

The Coach

This may take more than one post, as 10 months is a long time…but actually I will start back from the very beginning. The first memory I have of Dave in my life was 15 years ago. Our little family had just moved to Fenton. Bryan had a tough go of the move as a 4th grader, but quickly latched on to some good friends on his soccer team – Ben, Jeremy and Pat. Guess who was the coach? Ben’s Dad, Dave.  He and his wife were our first friends when we made the journey from North County to Fenton. It was a big move..why Fenton? Not really sure, but I look back now, and the journey starts making sense.

I remember the first soccer tourney at our church…Bryan got hurt on the field, and it brought tears to my eyes to see his coach carry him to the sidelines. It is a memory that I will never forget and didn’t quite comprehend at that time the full scope of Dave’s caring personality.

Fast forward 13 years…Fenton turned out to be a wonderful place for our family, as far as community was concerned, but June 2010, that world was rocked. Tucks took our family and friends by surprise and chose to change the direction of his life. There I was, left to pick up the pieces and start anew.

For those that need that interesting segment of my fairy tale recapped, see http://www.juliesweekend.wordpress.com. I am glad I went through what I did, and as I mentioned in the “About”, without those brief encounters, and the interim relationship with “Trainwreck”, my true “Treasure” may not have come to light.

Stay tuned, and I will fill you in how “The Coach a/k/a Treasure, stopped play and carried ME to the sidelines to heal.